once a month
I flay the skin from my bones
and plant seeds deep in the marrow
where they will never
see the sun
repression is the game
we all play --
no jungles of emotion
no grand canopies
no vines, entwined
just seeds, stifled, growing hard
and dead beneath the skin
as the ghostly fronds of could-have-been
scatter on the breeze
adagio
A thousand rhymes
and polished breaths,
the gradual rise and fall of chests
in silence synch.
andante
The morn is nigh
and as light seeps
to gild with gold two lovers' cheeks
a smile breaks.
allegro
Averted gaze
and embrace blur
to lacerate with stifled words
a tightened throat.
grave
But sleepless nights,
nothing proclaims
the silent love that went unnamed
upon its own sepulchre.
I am a false paragon of self-destruction,
leaving hairline fractures
down my skin, trailing out
from ragged keratin
in a paroxysm of ambivalence
the willows weep rotten poetry
and empty angst
into a cotton-lined basket
and I sleep in the thistles at dawn.
can I say that the soft sussurations of wind
through drying vegetation
are sweet nothings of love-grown-past
-- but pretense is for the dead and dying,
and I can't hold my breath long enough
to slip beneath
penance is the play
to my heart
to the weird empty space
between my ribs and thoracic vertebrae
I don't want you holy --
no unblemished sheep, a virgin sacrifice
to the gods of false belief;
no purity beside my dingy grey;
no seraphim to hide my eyes and lips
with burning coal
in dirt, I play
and I cannot, will not, draw the darkness
like clinging grease and oil spills
upon the clean.
thin rainbow films of sin and sodomy
can never be erased.